FATALE

I Can’t Believe I Watched This Movie

So, I’m hitting up the cinema the other day with my friend Shirley, and we decided to go see a re-showing of Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs.

This is, surprisingly, the first time I’ve ever seen this film. I think I can sum up my whole opinion on the matter in 5 words.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

Snow white is the archetype of innocence who goes off into the woods to stay in a cabin with 7 men and in the meantime eats an apple given to her by some weird strange old lady leaning in through her window. There’s a lot to discuss here hold on I gotta calm myself.

Let us begin with the picture of innocence created by Snow White. We have someone who is complacent, overly trusting, and completely naive. Apparently being innocent is also the absence of common sense. I ask you. So you’re on the run from crazy people trying to kill you (whatever happens all the time) so you take shelter in a house of 7 men ( I mean ok whatever moving on ) and then some wrinkly ass lady shows up to your window and like forces you to eat one of her weird ass apples. You’re okay with this here Snow?! You almost died YESTERDAY.

I mean, take a look at this…

ARE YOU DUMB. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD THINK THAT TAKING FOOD FROM THIS UGLY ASS HAG IS A GOOD DECISION.

Also- your master plan is to take shelter in a CLEARLY occupied house when nobody is home? You couldn’t have waited and, like, knocked on the door and been like, “yo- I got some weird ass shit going down can I crash for the night”. ¬†OR, perhaps the smartest plan ever, YOU STEAL SOME SHIT AND HIGH TAIL IT OUT OF THERE, GIRL. Leave a note for all I care. This is a game of survival against your jealous ass step mother like think ahead! Get some victuals! Find a shelter! Don’t sleep in strange mens beds! IT’S ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR- DON’T BE DUMB.

As a lady who has kept herself alive and (pretty much) out of harms way during her various adventures of debauchery, I can honestly say it ain’t hard. I turned to Shirley half way through the film and was like, “bruh.” and she was all, “I know.”

I think that pretty much sums up this movie for me.

1 Comment

  1. Jim Groom (@jimgroom)

    Nice movie review :)

    Reply